Each night Scott Lindsey lights a candle in reminiscence of his spouse, Hayley, on the home they shared in Gillingham for 16 years. Or not it’s on a cabinet the place an urn containing her ashes sits subsequent to a vase of distinctive vegetation.
Mom to Millie, 18, Maisie, 15, and Mollie, 10, Hayley died on 21 November 2019, her life cruelly slit temporary by kidney most cancers on the age of 44.
Two days after his spouse’s passing, Lindsey turned as quickly as in the home dressing room at Kent non-league membership Chatham City handing over a group speak ahead of a match towards Crowborough Athletic within the ninth tier of English soccer.
“I compulsory to take my thoughts off what had took squawk. I did not are trying to be sat at home in a dreadful squawk,” Chatham’s supervisor explains.
As his group put collectively for an FA Cup second qualifying spherical tie away to Folkestone Invicta on Saturday, Lindsey, 48, opens up on how soccer has helped him deal with shedding his spouse of 16 years.
“It turned as quickly as a residing hell watching her deteriorate,” he provides.
“Ten months on, I peaceable get up and might now not think about what has took squawk. Soccer helps type me out.”
Name that changed all of the items
Someday of his collaborating in days, Lindsey had a fame as a grand defender in non-league circles. He performed within the fifth tier for Stafford Rangers, now not faraway from his home metropolis of Walsall, and Dover Athletic.
Whereas at Dover in 1995, his brother, Matthew, died in a bike accident on his formulation assist to Scunthorpe after travelling to Kent to appear his youthful sibling play.
Lindsey spent 14 months within the Soccer League with Gillingham the place his dad, Keith, turned as quickly as as quickly as a defender.
After ending his collaborating in occupation in non-league, he returned to Gillingham as a technical improvement coach in 2009 ahead of job provides arrived that would presumably perchance take him away from the household home for extended periods.
He turned as quickly as part of Chris Sutton’s backroom group at Lincoln Metropolis and, after a spell as assistant at his aged membership Tamworth, landed the perform of under-18s supervisor at Swindon City in 2014.
Having arrived at Woodland Inexperienced Rovers in 2016, Lindsey turned as quickly as assistant when the Gloucestershire membership gained promotion to the English Soccer League in May 2017.
It turned as quickly as at a pre-season teaching camp in Devon with Woodland Inexperienced in July 2019 that he bought a cellphone name that changed all of the items.
Hayley had collapsed within the bathe at their home. 4 months later she handed away alongside together with her husband at her bedside.
‘You’re feeling anger’
It turned as quickly as May 1995 when the couple bought collectively after Lindsey had performed for Gillingham within the Kent Senior Cup remaining towards Charlton Athletic.
“Hayley turned as quickly as a one-off, a vast mum, and really home proud,” he says. “Our home turned as quickly as be happy a thunder home. She’s doubtlessly watching over me considering ‘you might be now not retaining it attention-grabbing ample’.
“Hayley cherished holidays and Christmas. We had been recognized to beget the Christmas tree up in October. She’s what I would name a exact Medway woman. She lived proper right here all her life.”
On the beginning up, all appeared sure after she had her left kidney eradicated when most cancers turned as quickly as recognized.
“The surgeon turned as quickly as really gratified nevertheless Hayley fell sick a couple of months later. It had advance assist aggressively,” remembers Lindsey.
“We’d shuffle and stare consultants and it turned as quickly as at all times depraved information, by no means right information. The overall half turned as quickly as horrendous.
“We went to stare an oncologist at Maidstone Scientific establishment and that is the reason after we realised there turned as quickly as no formulation out of this.
“He advised Hayley ‘I will ship you to the Royal Marsden in London and presumably attain a trial nevertheless nothing goes to remedy you, you’re going to die’.
“We sincere sat there and checked out one one different.”
Hayley took her remaining steps on her 44th birthday. Probably the most cancers had unfold to her spine and left her paralysed for the previous couple of weeks of her life.
“She turned as quickly as taken formulation too quickly. I did really feel anger,” provides Lindsey.
‘Constantly with us’
Having left Woodland Inexperienced two months ahead of his spouse’s dying, Lindsey says he compulsory one factor to “take my thoughts away from issues” and present a section-time job within the neighborhood as Chatham’s supervisor.
“It helped me as a result of I compulsory a number of nights to fetch out and coach,” he says.
“Caring for my spouse turned as quickly as bodily and mentally draining. Watching her dying, my feelings had been in every single squawk.
“After Hayley died, I compulsory to fetch assist as quickly as attainable and it turned as quickly as well-known to me I went to the sport after she handed away.
“I picked the group, did the group speak, and we gained 3-0. I do know now not all individuals would attain it that formulation nevertheless it turned as quickly as my formulation of coping with what had took squawk.
“The avid avid gamers all knew. That that they had a whip-spherical and bought a title-a-considerable explicit individual present for my ladies to remind them of their mum.”
Millie, Maisie and Mollie are conventional firm to Southern Counties East League Premier Division Chatham, whose supervisor has thrown himself into the perform of being “mum and pa”.
“I might presumably perchance been away from home for years on story of my job and abruptly I am doing their hair, the school flee, ironing school uniforms and getting PE kits prepared,” he provides.
“Hayley’s at all times in our ideas. We beget a wall at home stuffed alongside together with her photographs. Close by is the urn containing her ashes. She’s at all times with us in the home.”
Requested what recommendation he would give any particular person who’s grieving, Lindsey provides: “Bring to mind all of the items that turned as quickly as right concerning the precise individual you beget misplaced. Increase that spherical with you in your coronary heart and head for the rest of your life.
“I deal with Hayley the full time. Each minute of every and every day one factor pops into my head that reminds me of her.”
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